Archive for September, 2009

What to do in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse…..

Posted in Humour on September 28, 2009 by paranormalteam

As the colder nights draw in and I start to spend less time in the pub, I find myself wondering just what I would do in the event of a 28 Days Later style apocalypse…….. (I have a lot of free time and a good imagination!)

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So you wake up in a hospital 28 days later after a virus has killed 90% of the human population. There’s not a soul in sight and the place is littered with half eaten corpses…..

First thing. Food? Water? Blankets? Clothing? Medication?

Well I would personally choose Gun, Knife, Axe, Machete, Baseball Bat, Grenade launcher or Flame Thrower.

What would be the point of going of to get food etc when any minute you could have some slavvering zombie thing trying to suck your brains out? So below is a quick checklist that you can print out and keep to hand as a pocket reference guide.

1 ) Arm yourself. The sharper the object the better. Remember, remove the head or destroy the brain.

1a) If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of surviving with the Odd Girl as your sole companion, you have 2 choices. Depending on your morals. Either a) Kill yourself to save potentially years of mental torment or b) Use her as bait when you are cornered by the man-eating hordes.

2 ) Find a nice position next to a river and find a boat. As we know Zombies can’t swim so it’s safer to travel via water.

3 ) Find somewhere really really high to build a base camp. As we know zombies have limited motor functions and climbing is not their strong point. Also you have a great vantage point in which to play sniper on any incoming brain eaters.

4 ) Stock up on food, water. Tinned stuff last forever.

5 ) Get yourself a nice pair of woolly socks and boots. (To stop yourself from getting trenchfoot after wading through streams of moist zombie left overs)

6 ) Avoid possible contact with any other live human beings. Anyone that watches zombie movies know that these people will no doubt be the end of you. They will either scream a lot and alert the hordes, or they will get infected themselves and then try to suck your brains out your ear as you sleep.

7 ) Wait patiently for the zombie hordes to die from starvation.

8 ) Find the biggest mansion you can and clear out any dead things. Work out how to make a generator and source fuel from the many cars littering the streets.

9 ) Go loot the best Plasma screen and home cinema setup you can.

10 ) Spend the rest of you life watching dvds re-runs of your favourite soap operas.

N.B. Steps 9 & 10 are completely optional. Once you are the last person on earth, the worlds your oyster. However watch out for wild animals.

Hope that helps!

Answer – Question of the Day

Posted in Uncategorized on September 17, 2009 by paranormalteam

The answer is actually very simple. The surgeon is the boy’s mother.

Some people will immediately have gotten this right. Others may have gone into more technical detail and thought about step-fathers, godfathers, adoptions etc etc.

The reason some people do this is the preconception (stereotype) that being a surgeon is a man’s job. Therefore the fact that it is the mother that is the surgeon will not register immediately.

But hey, don’t feel bad if you got it wrong. So did I first time 🙂

Question of the Day

Posted in Uncategorized on September 17, 2009 by paranormalteam

A young boy was in a car with his father who was driving when they had a serious accident. The father was killed and the boy was seriously injured. The boy was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery. When he was wheeled into the operating theatre the surgeon looked down and said “Oh no! It’s my son”.

What is the relationship between the boy and the surgeon?

P.S. Try not to look at the comments until you think you have an answer

The Wednesday Twitter Experiment – What the hell was that all about?

Posted in Uncategorized on September 16, 2009 by paranormalteam

Today was Experiment Wednesday on Twitter. I posted the following picture on twitter and asked people to tell us their immediate gut feelings.

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Well, the results varied from the thoughts that just popped into peoples heads, to the people that analysed the writing and words.

Some of the answers were:

“are they in prison?”

“The person who wrote it didn’t learn to write in NYS after 1960. So they are either older than me or from the UK. The letter r in person + wrote is not written that way anymore. My mom wrote it that way.”

“My first feeling is that the person who wrote is someone who is bubbly, who is capable of being serious but chooses not too. I just got a picture of someone who was working in an office writing with a hello kitty pen.”

“From that pic, my gut reaction was that the punctuation was wrong (no caps, either) & it looked like how the nuns wrote. The nuns I had wrote the r that way, its called a Palmer r and theres also a Palmer t. So thats why I said nuns.”

“I took the test. I think the individual would make many self notes, writes down nearly everything thinks may be important. It was because it was short but details & no caps”

Well it was actually my writing in case you hadn’t guessed. Were the people right? Some were, some weren’t. The purpose of the experiment was to look at how people approached it. Some just went with gut instinct that popped into their heads, the others analysed more deeply and relied on logic.

So this is an experiment into how people think? Yup. It was for my own personal gain and studies. And for that I apologise, however it does lead to another question……

Why would a paranormal investigator be interested or need to know about how people think? Well, for example, let’s pretend that an investigator didn’t know about the human capacity to see faces in random object. They may look at a “face” in a “ghost” photo and be convinced it’s real (I have seen this happen!) This could lead to all manner of trouble for the owner of the photo who now believes their house is haunted.

I personally strongly believe that a good understanding of the human brain goes a long way in this field. I have recently started a degree in Psychology myself. By the end I still will no longer claim to be an expert as there’s no such thing. However I have already learnt so much about the old grey matter and have started using my own grey matter in a different way.

Tales of the Odd Girl

Posted in Uncategorized on September 14, 2009 by paranormalteam

Regular readers of my twitter updates will be more than aware of the Odd Girl. Those that aren’t are probably going to be completely bemused by the following blog post.

The Odd Girls antics are to me and my co-worker worthy of being classed as paranormal.

Now, where do I start with this? There is so much “evidence” to post.

Let’s start with the mysterious illnesses………

Never before in my whole working career have I met anyone that is more unhealthy than the Odd Girl. Whether it’s a sniffling annoying cold or a mysterious disappearing and re-appearing limp, it has to be seen to be believed. At one point she was off work so much I had completely forgotten of her existence. I was much perturbed when she rematerialized back in the office, as if she had been shot back up to earth from the depths of hell that she normally resides in.

Now speaking of the depths of hell, regular twitter readers will be more than aware of the Odd Girls striking resemblence to the thing from the Ring films. Here’s a reminder as to what that looks like.

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The Odd Girl appears to be under the impression she is the hottest, sexist thing on the planet. Her new haircut only confirmed her suspicions that she was a hotty. Unfortunately it just confirmed my suspicions she regularly crawls out of a TV screen looking like shit.

On the subject of sex, the most scary and odd thing that the Odd Girl does is to make squeeky little sex noises at her desk. Myself and my co-worker have looked everywhere under her desk to see if there is some concealed sex toy but alas no. She just has random unexplainable mini orgasms. Well, in this respect I am quite frankly jealous (but thats another matter). Surely she realises that this is not appropriate behaviour for an office environment?

On another note my co-worker tells me she avidly watched me walk out of the door one day and to the toilet. *Shudder*

The final and most annoying aspect of the Odd Girl is that she eats from the moment she comes in until the moment she leaves. OK, so you are thinking she is just hungry? Well yes, that in itself is a bit weird (Worms?) The annoying aspect is the food that she eats. It stinks. It really really really stinks! So much so we regularly joke about how she is eating Shit Pie and Poo Crunchies.

ARRGHHH. Well. Maybe now this is all down in writing I might feel a bit better? We shall see…..