As the colder nights draw in and I start to spend less time in the pub, I find myself wondering just what I would do in the event of a 28 Days Later style apocalypse…….. (I have a lot of free time and a good imagination!)
So you wake up in a hospital 28 days later after a virus has killed 90% of the human population. There’s not a soul in sight and the place is littered with half eaten corpses…..
First thing. Food? Water? Blankets? Clothing? Medication?
Well I would personally choose Gun, Knife, Axe, Machete, Baseball Bat, Grenade launcher or Flame Thrower.
What would be the point of going of to get food etc when any minute you could have some slavvering zombie thing trying to suck your brains out? So below is a quick checklist that you can print out and keep to hand as a pocket reference guide.
1 ) Arm yourself. The sharper the object the better. Remember, remove the head or destroy the brain.
1a) If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of surviving with the Odd Girl as your sole companion, you have 2 choices. Depending on your morals. Either a) Kill yourself to save potentially years of mental torment or b) Use her as bait when you are cornered by the man-eating hordes.
2 ) Find a nice position next to a river and find a boat. As we know Zombies can’t swim so it’s safer to travel via water.
3 ) Find somewhere really really high to build a base camp. As we know zombies have limited motor functions and climbing is not their strong point. Also you have a great vantage point in which to play sniper on any incoming brain eaters.
4 ) Stock up on food, water. Tinned stuff last forever.
5 ) Get yourself a nice pair of woolly socks and boots. (To stop yourself from getting trenchfoot after wading through streams of moist zombie left overs)
6 ) Avoid possible contact with any other live human beings. Anyone that watches zombie movies know that these people will no doubt be the end of you. They will either scream a lot and alert the hordes, or they will get infected themselves and then try to suck your brains out your ear as you sleep.
7 ) Wait patiently for the zombie hordes to die from starvation.
8 ) Find the biggest mansion you can and clear out any dead things. Work out how to make a generator and source fuel from the many cars littering the streets.
9 ) Go loot the best Plasma screen and home cinema setup you can.
10 ) Spend the rest of you life watching dvds re-runs of your favourite soap operas.
N.B. Steps 9 & 10 are completely optional. Once you are the last person on earth, the worlds your oyster. However watch out for wild animals.
Hope that helps!